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"A
Letter to my Family"
By Michelle Al-Nasr
I am writing this for all my Muslim
brothers and sisters who have converted (or re-verted) to Islam, and have had
the courage, against all odds, to stand firm on their beliefs - no matter how
great the cost. I want to convey the sorrow I share with many of my fellow
brothers and sisters in Islam, that have had to distance themselves from their
families, because of their acceptance of the religion of Islam. I want to first
tell you, "I love you", you are my family, I have not forgotten you. It breaks
my heart that if you do not agree with my life choice, that you have chosen to
reject me. If you do not agree with me, then at least respect my decision. If
you only knew how difficult this decision was for me, how difficult it is to be
a Muslim. Especially, a Muslim woman. Did you ever try to imagine what kind of
commitment it takes to be a Muslim? It is not as easy as you may think. I want
to let you into my mind. I want you to look through my eyes, and just know - if
only for a moment - how I have felt, what I have dealt with and what it is like
to for me.
Think for one minute about something that
means so much to you, something that you feel so strongly about, that you are
willing to undergo losing your entire family and friends as you know it.
Becoming estranged to the same people that you have known all your living years.
All of the sudden, you are the outcast, the lost soul who doesn't have enough
sense to know what you are doing, everyone is telling you that you are throwing
your entire life away. Think about how strong you must feel about the actions
you are taking. Not just any actions, mind you, but actions that take sincerity
and a firm belief. Actions that are not to be taken lightly. Actions with
consequences which include: sacrifice, loss, humiliation, degradation and racism
to name only a few. Continue to think about something in your life that means
this much to you. Would you be willing to sacrifice you career? Money? Your new
car? Your house? Would it be easy for you to give up many of the pleasures that
this life has to offer? Think about
your family. How would you handle losing
your entire family for this 'something' that means so much to you. No longer are
you wanted to even talk for a while, for fear that you might mention this
'something' that means so much to you. You mention it, why? Because it is the
'something' by which you base and dedicate your entire life to. Of course, if
talking means to discuss the things that means so much to others, you should not
be offended, you should only be quiet and listen. After all, it is important to
them. Maybe they might bring up the something they heard on the news, the
'something' that you dedicate your entire life to, but do not disagree - nor
tell them what you know from hands-on research and personal experience - only
listen, because the TV knows more, and so do they. You must realize, as well,
that because of this 'something' you have chosen, you know longer have a right
to discuss or comment on any matter about the city, state or country you have
spent your whole life in, if you do - you now are told (instead being respected
for an intelligent opinion) you should be expelled from the country.
Think about going to the store just to pick
up some bread. As you get in your car and drive down the road someone begins
screaming curse words at the very sight of you, dressed according to this
'something' that you believe so firmly about, probably they think that you don't
understand them - but you do, and all too well. Just get used to it, it happens
quite often. Also, remember that you are oppressed and you are looked at with
pity and contempt, as an oppressed woman - having no mind of her own. All this,
even though this 'something' is what you chose, what you live everyday - not by
force, but because you believe it is right. Keep all of this in mind as you are
driving in your car. Walking into the store, you feel all eyes are on you - all
of the sudden you hear laughing - you think to yourself, they aren't laughing at
me, are they? But of course, you know better, because every time you leave your
house people are constantly either making fun of you or cursing you, one of the
two. All because of this 'something' you love. At the bread aisle, you notice
the grocery store security guard seems to be following you up and down each
aisle in the store, when you look in his direction, he discreetly glares at the
kitty litter boxes on sale, not wanting to give himself away. As you get to the
cashier, ready to check out - you notice how courteous the cashier is to the
woman in front of you. Don't get your hopes up, there will be none of that when
it is your turn. They really don't care, 'How are you doing, today?'. They just
take you money, and glare at you. Never mind, you are on your way home. In your
car you notice your gas gage and panic a little, it's on empty, and you need
some gas, but don't chance it, do not stop - if you were to try to pay for the
gas, even though you could be waving your money, they will most likely assume
that you are there to rob them. It is better to go straight home, home is
comfort. By the time you get home, hoping for relief, you notice a crowd of kids
around your house, and wonder what they are up to. After you get in the house,
someone starts knocking at your door. You answer the door, but no one is there.
You walk outside to get the mail, and the kids run from behind the corner of
your house yelling, "You don't belong here!". A while later, the teenagers in
the neighborhood decide to join in on the fun by standing in your driveway and
cursing you, as you are standing inside your own home. And this is only the
beginning of the days in your life, but wait, there's so much more... Now stop
and think. Is there anything that you love so much?
Well, you may ask, 'Is it worth it?' I will
tell you without hesitation, Yes it is. All that and more. Because this
'something', Islam, is my way of life, my love, my peacefulness, and my hope.
You may think, "That doesn't sound very peaceful, being harassed and all". But
it is. Not the harassment, of course, but the purpose behind it. The reasons
that I dress as I dress, and I live in the manner I have chosen. And I want to
say again, do not think for a second I take this lightly. I believe and know
this way of life to be right and true.
If you cannot be happy for me, at least be
content to know that you have raised someone that stands firm in what she
believes. Not just a blind follower, not just one of the crowd, not someone who
will be swayed at the drop of a hat. If you cannot support me in my decision ,
then be satisfied to respect me for my convictions, morals and values. Not an
immoral, vulgar, and dishonorable life. Know that what I believe in, Islam, is
not something I believe in because it's the popular thing to do, or that it the
best way to 'Gain Friends and Influence People'. Realize, this is not a faze I
am going through and I am not an over-zealous fanatic. I am striving to be the
best Muslim that I can be. That is something that is not easy, but I believe
that it will lead me to Paradise if I strive hard enough, and stand firm on the
beliefs that "There is nothing worthy of worship but God alone, associating no
partner with Him". Where was it that I learned that I should strive to be the
best I can be, and to try my hardest to stand firm on the things that I believe
are just and truthful? Hey, wasn't that you? Didn't you teach me that?
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