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Safiyah Johnson : Comparative Study brought me to
Islam
In 1992, I gave
birth to a beautiful baby girl. She was like an angel, as I had never seen a
more beautiful baby, and she seemed too good to be true. She was. In November of
the same year, when baby Tina was just 5 months old, she died of Sudden Infant
Death Syndrome (also known as SIDS). I was devastated, and angry; I didn't
understand how God could take my child when there were babies in the world who
were suffering. At the funeral people assured me, "You'll see her in heaven
someday." I would just say, "How do you know I'm going to heaven?" Well, I
decided to set out to find the true religion, which would put me on the path to
see my daughter again. Having been raised a Christian, I could no longer blindly
accept the religion as I could before. I needed answers; I needed something that
made sense. Every night for two years I would pray the same thing.
"Dear God. I know You already know what is in my heart, but I am hurting. You
took away my baby when I wasn't looking. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I
want to see her again. So, could You please show me the right path? The one You
want me to take? I can't believe that Christianity is what You want for me. It
doesn't make sense to me. So please show what the right religion so I can get
started. Thank You very much. Oh, and could You send me a Husband so I can have
more babies? Thanks God, please take good care of my baby, tell her I love her
and I miss her very much."
By the time I finished, I would be in tears. I studied many religions, but none
could hold my interest. I began to think that God had forgotten about me, that
He had more important things to do. Then one day, when I was working in a bar, I
met another woman who worked there. We became friends, and she told me about her
"Grand Plan". She asked me if I would go to Malaysia to set up an import/export
contact for her. She couldn't leave her children, and she would pay me, plus
cover all of my expenses. I said, "When do I leave?"
I got on the plane with only two suitcases, my purse and no knowledge of how I
was going to accomplish my goals, let alone where I was going to stay. I was so
excited! I arrived in Malaysia in the middle of Ramadan. Everyone was so nice to
me, and I was so paranoid. I kept thinking people were going to rob me, or maybe
something worse. But not only were they just being nice, they didn't want
anything in return. Never have I met a more wonderful group of people than when
I was in Malaysia. I asked the cab driver why everyone was in such a good mood,
he said, "This is Ramadan, and whenever we do a good deed, Allah will reward us
double." I said, "Cool god." At the hotel, I engaged in many arguments with the
bellboys about which religion is better.
Islam vs. Christianity. I didn't win one fight. They asked me questions about my
own religion I couldn't answer. And why on earth was I defending a religion I
don't even believe in???? They would take me out to eat, and not eat. The women
wore long sleeves and scarves. If I lost my temper, they would only walk away.
This was too much. Every time I asked them why they did something, all they
would say was "Because the Qur'an tells us to." Wrong answer for an American
like me. That's like my mom telling me I could not stay up late "Because I said
so". I needed concrete answers. So, with the help of a Malay friend, I bought a
Qur'an, and a few other books about Islam. I locked myself in my room for two
weeks. I would not come out for anything or anyone. I read the Qur'an, and the
books. After 48 hours I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had found what I
had searched for. This is what God wants me to do. But there was one problem.
It wasn't Islam's view of Jesus. It wasn't even the fact that I would have to
throw away every article of clothing I owned and start to wear an entirely
different style of dress. The problem was how was I going to get my mother to
accept the fact that I was a Muslim? I knew this was not going to be easy. I
agonized over the decision, not able to eat, concentrate, or even sleep
peacefully. The entire time I agonized I had the same nightmare, that an angel
had my child in its arms and there were devils (Jinn) after her. I spent all
night fighting off these awful creatures. They wanted me to stay the way I was,
and the angel wanted me to become a Muslim. They were fighting over me. I would
wake up drenched with sweat and tears, and often bruised with no idea where the
bruises came from. One night I was fighting this Jinn and it scratched my face.
I remember saying, "Oh, no you didn't! Don't you know better than to scratch a
woman's face?" and I kicked it. Finally, after a night of fighting (two weeks of
this), one night I woke up out of bed screaming, "All right I will become a
Muslim! I'll do it today!" I immediately felt the most incredible peace
throughout my whole body. I had never felt anything like it before or since. I
knew Allah was pleased with me.
I went downstairs to the bellboys who had worked so hard to turn me into a
Muslim to announce that I was ready to "take the plunge"only to have them tell
me "No!" They told me that Islam wasn't something to be taken lightly.
Once you become a Muslim, you are a Muslim for life. Then they said, "Oh, what
happened to your face?" I looked in the mirror and my face was scratched! I told
them of my dreams and that was my first lesson about Jinn. Then they agreed that
I should be a Muslim right away, and they took me to Perkim, an Islamic
Organisation in Kuala Lumpur for new Muslims. I took my Shahadah (testimony of
faith) on June 15, 1994.
I have never looked back since.
[SAFIYAH JOHNSON used to work with ISNA. She recently moved to Milwaukee,
Wisconsin (USA) following her marriage on May 29, 1999. She is planning to start
classes at the American Open University for Islamic Studies.]
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